"Present but Absent"

Today in sacrament meeting I caught very little of the last talk. (I blame it on my three kids.) But I did catch something that really made me think. The speaker was talking about fathers, and he mentioned a study--something about how children with absent fathers aren't any better off than kids with "present but absent" fathers. I did some research, trying to track down the study, but I couldn't. I did find this blog post, though, that did a pretty good job of summarizing what it means to be "present but absent" -- http://franmahoganymom.blogspot.ca/2011/08/present-but-absent-father.html.

Anyway, this idea of "present but absent" intrigues me, and not just as it relates to parents. It can also apply to dating or any relationship:

One thing that I really admire--perhaps most admire--about Grandma Ellsworth is the way she always puts down whatever it is she's doing, no matter how important it is, and devotes her full attention to you. I could give examples, but I'm sure you've all experienced what I'm talking about. I want to be more like that. But I have the hardest time pulling myself away from what I'm doing mid-project! (Maybe it's the perfectionist in me?)

The other big obstacle that lends to being "present but absent" is technology. I love the way Allison made the goal to limit her computer time and blogged about it to make herself accountable (kind of ironic, but a good idea). Now she doesn't even have internet at home to minimize the temptation. (I tried that for a two or three years and loved it! I can't get away with it now because I need regular internet access for my online teaching.)

Anyway, two good talks on the subject:

• Elder Bednar's "Things As They Really Are" -- http://www.lds.org/broadcast/ces/0,7341,538-1-61-1681,00.html
• Elder Scott's "For Peace At Home" -- http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/for-peace-at-home?lang=eng

"You live in a world where technological advances occur at an astounding pace. It is difficult for many of my generation to keep up with the possibilities. Depending on how technology is used, these advances can be a blessing or a deterrent. Technology, when understood and used for righteous purposes, need not be a threat but rather an enhancement to spiritual communication.

 

"For example, many of us have a personal electronic device that fits into our pocket. We are seldom without its company; we may refer to it many times a day. Unfortunately, these devices can be a source of filth and wasted time. But, used with discipline, this technology can be a tool of protection from the worst of society.

 

"Who could have imagined not very many years ago that the full standard works and years of general conference messages would fit into your pocket? Just having them in your pocket will not protect you, but studying, pondering, and listening to them during quiet moments of each day will enhance communication through the Spirit.

 

"Be wise in how you embrace technology. Mark important scriptures on your device and refer back to them frequently. If you young people would review a verse of scripture as often as some of you send text messages, you could soon have hundreds of passages of scripture memorized. Those passages would prove to be a powerful source of inspiration and guidance by the Holy Ghost in times of need."

Perfection Pending

I get to give a talk on Sunday about the commandment to become perfect and how it applies to young single adults, referencing the talk "Perfection Pending".

I recently became discouraged with this commandment. I know that the Lord doesn't expect perfection until the next life, and its only because of Him and through Him I can reach that goal after this mortal experience. Even still I become disappointed with myself for not living to the standard of mortal perfection I have come to expect from myself. So now I try to measure myself less on a scale of perfection, but on a scale of "bests".  Not am I being perfect, but am I doing my best.

Elder Nelson said, "In Matt. 5:48, the term perfect was translated from the Greek teleios, which means “complete.” Teleios is an adjective derived from the noun telos, which means “end.” The infinitive form of the verb is teleiono, which means “to reach a distant end, to be fully developed, to consummate, or to finish.” Please note that the word does not imply “freedom from error”; it implies “achieving a distant objective.” In fact, when writers of the Greek New Testament wished to describe perfection of behavior—precision or excellence of human effort—they did not employ a form of teleios; instead, they chose different words.

Because of this talk I can tell that my understanding/view of perfection is incorrect (like when I was a teenager and thought repentance was for people who made serious mistakes only). How can I change my view of myself and perfection? Thoughts?

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1995/10/perfection-pending?lang=eng#39-

The Lord's Way

So I recently found out that I'm giving a talk in my new ward on Elder Ellis's General Conference talk, "The Lord's Way."  I was wondering if you guys had any thoughts on the talk while I start planning my talk.

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/the-lords-way?lang=eng

This was actually one of my favorite talks from General Conference.  My favorite parts are the beginning about being an Idaho farm boy (I feel like I can sorta' relate) and governing ourselves.  I acutally want to find a way to use Elder Bednar's "The Character of Christ" in my talk because I just really liked it and the idea of acting and not being acted upon.  Thoughts, insights, ideas?

Family Proclamation

I've been thinking about a line from the The Family: A Proclamation the the World.  It is one of my favorites: "Successful marriage and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work and wholesome recreational activities."

I remember having a conversation with a friend about the Proclamation.  She was memorizing it at the time, and I was re-memorizing it.  She asked which of those principles I felt my family was good at, and which ones there were most room for improvement.  And we discussed ways to establish families on individual principles.  So I thought I'd ask those questions.  What have y'all found yourself to be good at establishing, and how do you establish a family on those principles?  And what ideas do you have for establishing families and marriages on these principles.

And...discuss.

Church Service

Okay everyone, sorry about the long essay. I've just been thinking about this over the last couple of days...

A year ago this month I was released from serving in the Relief Society presidency in our Mesa ward. Each member of the presidency shared a favorite quote in the newsletter. This is what I wrote:

I've pondered a lot about service over the last several weeks, and I've learned two important lessons:

1. When we love and serve one another, we "offer a similar imitation of [the Savior's] own sacrifice by making sacrifices of our own time and selfish priorities." --Elder Oaks
2. "It is serving God and others persistently with full heart and soul that turns testimony of truth into unbreakable spiritual strength." --President Eyring

I know that as we continue to serve each other and our families, we will be following the Savior's example and building a solid foundation of faith that will support us through all the trials of life.

Last week I was thinking about the President Eyring quote again. Here in our Ohio ward, Scott is serving as Young Men president. Over the next two months he will be spending 13 days away from home, between youth conference and Scout camps. It's kind of a sacrifice--at least for me, because I end up home alone with three kids under the age of four during those two weeks.

Church service can be pretty demanding at times; it is seldom without sacrifice. So why do we do it? For one thing, as President Eyring points out, over time it transforms testimony into "unbreakable spiritual strength." Here are a few other real-life examples of the blessings of Church service:

President Garn

Many years ago, while sitting in stake conference in Cleveland, Ohio, Daryl H. Garn had the impression that he would be called to serve in his ward bishopric.  

Such a calling wasn't good timing, and it certainly wasn't his ambition. Still, as he and his wife walked out of the morning session that Sunday, he was greeted by the man who had just been sustained as the new bishop. He asked if the Garns would meet with then-Elder Spencer W. Kimball of the Quorum of the Twelve, the visiting authority.  

"We didn't even sit down," Elder Garn recalled. "We spoke casually for several minutes," before Elder Kimball asked if he would serve as second counselor. 

"There is something you need to know," Elder Garn said in response. "We may be here only a short time." Elder Garn then detailed a long list of reasons explaining why he shouldn't serve, including his apprehension that as a first-year dental student he would likely flunk out in the first quarter.  

"I believed in my heart that I would be sent home in disgrace after the first quarter of school," Elder Garn said in retrospect. "I knew I had been accepted into Western Reserve University because of the recommendations of a former student and not on my own merits and accomplishments.

"Elder Kimball listened patiently, then looked me in the eye and said, 'Brother Garn, put the Lord first in your life, and things will work out.' So I mustered all the faith I could and accepted the call," he said. 

Serving was not convenient. Studies were demanding and two of their eventual six children were born during these years. During this time, with only half his graduate work completed, the bishop moved from the ward and Elder Garn was called as bishop.  

He remained steady in his service and, by the time he graduated, he was among the top several students in his class, which made him eligible to enter a master's program in orthodontics.  

"I thought back to President Kimball's promise. I realized I probably would have flunked out of school if I hadn't accepted that calling," he said.  

President Eyring 

Years ago I was admitted to a graduate program for which I was poorly prepared. The course was arduous. The competition was fierce. On the first day the professor said, “Look at the person on your left and on your right. One of the three of you will not be here at the end. One of the three of you will likely fail.” The schedule of classes filled the five weekdays from early until late. Preparations for the next day’s classes lasted until nearly midnight, often beyond. And then late on Friday a major paper was assigned, with no way to prepare until the assignment was given and with the paper due at nine o’clock on Saturday night. 

I can still remember the hours of frantic study and writing on those Saturdays. And as the nine o’clock deadline approached, crowds of students would stand around the slot in the wall of the library to cheer as the last desperate student would dash up to throw in his completed paper, just before the box inside the building was pulled away from beneath the slot to let the late papers fall into the oblivion of failure. Then the students would go back to their homes and to their rooms for a few hours of celebration before starting preparations for Monday classes. And most of them would study all day on Sunday and late into the night. 

For me, there was no party on Saturday and no studying on Sundays . . . Early in that year He called me, through a humble district president, to a Church service that took me across the hills of New England from the early hours of Sunday to late in the evening. I visited the tiny branches and the scattered Latter-day Saints from Newport and Cape Cod on the south to Worcester and Fort Devens on the west and Lynn and Georgetown on the north. I realize that those names mean more to me than they do to you. For me the words bring back the joy of going to those places, loving the Lord, and trusting that somehow He would keep His promise. He always did. In the few minutes I could give to preparation on Monday morning before classes, ideas and understanding came to more than match what others gained from a Sunday of study. 

I’ve seen that same miracle when there seemed not to be enough time for my family when they needed me. I had four young sons and a challenging new job, and then came a call from our bishop to be the assistant Scoutmaster and the deacons quorum instructor. The Scouts camped out often, taking me from my boys, who were either older or younger than Scout ages. But I gave my heart to teaching and serving, trusting the Lord’s promise. I began to take one of my sons and then another with me on our outings. What seemed a call away from my obligations to my sons, with the Lord’s help, formed a bond with them that will last for eternity. I gave my heart to the Lord’s service in that deacons quorum; He gave me the hearts of my sons. 

I cannot promise academic success or perfect families. Nor can I tell you the way in which He will honor His promise of adding blessings upon you. But I can promise you that if you will go to Him in prayer and ask what He would have you do next, promising that you will put His kingdom first, He will answer your prayer and He will keep His promise to add upon your head blessings, enough and to spare.

The other day Scott and I were talking about this topic, and I commented that our Church service is a blessing to our children. The example we set for them imparts testimony in a way that our words alone can't. I even speculated that perhaps part of the reason my siblings and I turned out so well is because of our parents dedicated service over three decades. (That's not to say that every dedicated parent will be so fortunate; just because parents give dedicated service doesn't mean they will have "perfect families," as indicated by President Eyring.)

At any rate, I am grateful for the blessings that come from serving in the Church, even if it's a sacrifice at times. Blessings of spiritual strength, family unity, and even worldly success can come to us as we "seek first the Kingdom of God."

 

Additional Reading

Elder Oaks, "Why Do We Serve?," http://www.lds.org/ensign/1984/11/why-do-we-serve?lang=eng

Meaning of Modesty

http://www.qideas.org/video/the-evolution-of-the-swimsuit.aspx

This is a super interesting speech. What do you think?